How Can I Tell You?
by Amledo
Summary: Goku isn't sure why Vegeta visits him less and less, or why every time the Prince shows up there's an answer to be beaten out of him. But they will find out together what they have been looking for. mentions of character death and slight slash.


(A/N: I was shocked to find that I hadn't posted any Goku/Vegeta. I mean 'Evolutionary Wishes' has a tiny mention of it, but never have I had a fic that focused on it. So here it is, the first of what I hope will be many. I don't own DBZ and I am a firm non-believer in DBGT, perhaps the only thing from it you will ever hear me reference is Super Saiyan 4. Anyway, on with the show!)

How can I tell you?

The pale light of the half-moon shone down from the sky above and painted their surroundings in equal parts silvery highlight and exaggerated shadow. It was larger than normal, closer than he remembered it, and so bright that he could almost see the dark curve that indicated its true shape. Stars glittered just as brightly, adding their own glow to the surreal effect his eyes were already experiencing. And in the ethereal sheen he couldn't help but let his eyes fall on Vegeta. The shorter man stood with his back to his companion and the soft glow that surrounded them suddenly seemed to emanate from the Prince rather than the moon and sky above. Goku couldn't help staring, his eyes fixed, mind almost blank.

Vegeta was shirtless; he was powerful but compact, all hard muscles and sharp lines, his harsh angles more pronounced by the touch of shadows. He was still breathing heavily and their recent sparring session had been so intense that he was covered in a fine sheen of sweat. It wasn't of putting, not at all unattractive, and somehow it added to Vegeta's perceived strength. Part of him, a very quiet and shy part, knew that he shouldn't gawk at the Prince, but Goku couldn't make his eyes budge from that muscled back even as he rose to his feet.

Carefully, hesitatingly slowly, Goku let his left hand run a soft trail down the length of Vegeta's spine, paying brief attention to the scar that had been left by the removal of the Saiyan tail. The older man grew visibly tense, a low growl leaving his lips, something primal that Goku understood only subconsciously. He took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Vegeta's waist, holding him firmly; Vegeta's mesmerizing back pressed against Goku's own bare chest.

Still tense, Vegeta allowed his hands to close over Goku's tightening the force that held them together. Silently he kept his gaze forward, staring fixedly out over the cliff they stood on. The view was spectacular to say the least, breath-taking really, as their prospective showcased the forest that Goku called home. Another moment passed and Vegeta's grip grew tighter, his hands surprisingly gentle in Goku's mind. But the expression the Prince wore conveyed nothing of his physical gentleness; it was something between violent anger and utter agony.

"You promised. We sparred, so talk," Goku spoke in a quiet and soft tone, his cheek resting on the crown of Vegeta's head. Vegeta so rarely visited him these days, even for a spar. And it seemed that when the older man did visit, Goku was left to beat the reason out of him in progressively more violent sparring sessions. It had been several months since he had seen Vegeta last and truly he had no idea why it was that he was holding the shorter man the way that he was. But something had told Goku to reach out and take his Prince in his arms, something told him that Vegeta needed him, a silent request that he couldn't refuse.

Don't make me say…

Vegeta closed his eyes tightly, letting his fingers trail lightly over the contours of Goku's hands, drawing reassurance from the taller man's presence, because he knew just how badly he needed it. No part of him, however, wanted to admit how good it felt to be held against Goku, to feel the other Saiyan's skin against his own. Something about a kindred heartbeat soothed him, in that brief moment he was reminded that Goku was the only one that could ever really understand him. He sighed softly when he felt the press of the younger man's cheek grow slightly heavier against his scalp.

"Vegeta, please tell me. You wouldn't have to come to me if there weren't something wrong. You would have been able to do without me…" Goku's voice was a whisper and he allowed himself to trail off. Were it not for their close proximity the wind would have swept those soft words away, Vegeta's sharp ears caught every one. Tensing just a little more Vegeta pressed closer to the other man, letting his hands glide up and down Goku's powerful arms, recalling the pain that they'd caused him just minutes before.

Never before had he allowed this sort of thing to happen, the only contact that had happened between them had only ever happened in sparring. Of course there had been the fusions, but that had not been so much touching as becoming each other. He and Goku had become one person, yet something kept them separate. He had known his mind and he had known Goku's, the fusion had been more intimate than a lover's embrace, and he didn't know about Goku, but even now his body longed again for that closeness.

"I don't think you'd understand Kakarot. Hell I don't understand it myself, well…I think I do, I guess," Vegeta's voice was choked and he threaded his fingers through Goku's clinging to the other Saiyan's hands with quiet strength. A few tears had built in his eyes and more than one threatened to fall, but he didn't want that to happen. He needed to hold on to the illusion of his strength.

"Just try, you can tell me," Goku's voice remained as soft as ever. Unconsciously he was trying to soothe the hurt that he had felt in the older man's voice, assuage some of the fear that he could detect in the scent of unshed tears. Honestly, he didn't even mind the way their fingers were meshed, actually, he liked it, content just to enjoy the presence f the other man. The mere presence of Vegeta's warm body in his arms was enough to chase away all the misery that he had felt for so long.

"Are you sure? Do you even want to hear about my problems? I'm sure you have enough of your own to deal with…"

"Stop avoiding it Vegeta. You can tell me anything, absolutely anything. We have shared a body and a mind; we have known each other better than we've ever known anyone else. All I want is to take care of you, to keep you happy and take care of your problems for you. I need to help you," Goku said softly, meaning every word that he spoke. Vegeta honestly meant more to him than anything or anyone ever had. And he knew that he shouldn't think that way, that he loved his children he had loved his wife, but Vegeta was somehow…more important.

Silly, isn't it?

"It's everything Kakarot. The world is just too quiet for my liking, and the people I know, the fighters are deteriorating. Bulma had such a hard time realizing that she was aging while I wasn't that she made me move out. I mean, she never had the heart to marry me so I guess it wasn't like there was any guilt when she sent me to live in an apartment. It kills me but I know she moved on already, she's back with Yamcha. My kids don't visit me….and…yet…you are the only thing I think about," Vegeta said at last, all of it coming out in a rush and leaving him feeling lighter than he had before. Something made him want to tell Goku, need to tell Goku.

"Bulma is vain to a fault, she always has been, and there's never been a thing anyone could do to bring her down a peg. After all these years I thought that you might have done that. And I know the world is quiet, it's a good thing believe it or not. Who would want to attack us now that the Dragon Balls are gone, Dende was right to destroy them," Goku took a moment and sighed. "You know that the humans are going to break down, they age much more quickly than we do, Piccolo will last even longer than we do and 17 will outlast even him, but that's just how things go. You can't stay young forever. It doesn't make any sense for your kids not to visit you; they should if they had any sense of propriety. Though I tell you this much, I won't have you living in some apartment like a common nobody, Bulma can't reduce you to that. I have spare bedrooms…"

"But…" Goku turned Vegeta to face him, hands firm on the Prince's shoulders, head bowed to properly meet coal black eyes.

"You've been the only thing on my mind for a very long time. Taking care of you means the world to me," Goku said softly, letting his gaze soften and cast what he hoped was a meaningful look over the Prince. Part of him, perhaps that more primal part that he didn't quite understand, wanted to do something more, but it also told him that such a thing would be Vegeta's place.

They fell silent then, Vegeta's eyes remained steadfastly locked on Goku's obsidian gaze, he was searching for something that he couldn't quite put his finger on. He felt drawn to Goku as plainly as the younger man was drawn to him, but was it the same set of thoughts that occupied Goku's mind as had plagued him in the past several months. Could Goku have been talking about the unexplainable longing that he felt deep in his heart?

Dimly Vegeta prayed that it wasn't just something that Kakarot was saying to get under his skin. Of course he was struck by the almost instant realization that Kakarot…Goku didn't have a false bone in his body and would never lie about something so important. He could see that much in the pained yet compassionate light that made Goku's eyes shimmer.

"Your home was for you and…Chi-Chi."

"And she's gone. She wanted me to be happy. She yelled at me when I told her I'd never find anyone else, that I'd keep the house empty incase…she made me promise to move on. It's been almost six years and I've been doing a terrible job keeping that promise," the younger Saiyan said softly, he knew that Chi-Chi would not approve of his moping around. And she never said that he couldn't just let someone stay there. Of course, if the Prince was the one that could make him happy, would she be okay with that? "The house is so empty Vegeta."

Wasn't so hard…

"If you're sure," Vegeta breathed with an almost resigned tone and Goku gave a quick nod, he had no doubts. "Then yes, Goku, I could use the company," the Prince didn't even flinch at using the younger man's Earth name. Such compassion could never come from a Saiyan, and Vegeta understood that. Nonetheless he watched Goku's eyes go wide and a smile as bright as the sun light up his face. Those impossibly soft hands slid up Vegeta's back and the taller man pulled the shorter in for a powerful hug.

"Thanks 'Geta," Goku breathed quietly and placed a soft kiss to Vegeta's forehead. The Prince looked up, confused for a moment, his eyes shining in the light of the moon. He stretched up, wrapping his arms around Goku's shoulders and kissing the younger man quite solidly on the lips. Goku carefully lifted his companion up, bringing them closer; cradling that well muscled back as their lips meshed. Vegeta's arms stayed around Goku's neck and shoulders as one of his hands slid up to comb through the mass of spiky hair.

The kiss went no further than that, remaining simple, almost chaste but for the heat that both of them had experienced. And when they were forced to break apart for air or smother one another, they didn't go far. Goku rested his forehead against Vegeta's and smiled softly as he looked into the older man's eyes, seeing the confusion ebbing away. Carefully Vegeta's fingers traced his partner's jaw, and his thumb trailed softly over still kiss swollen lips. Lightly Goku kissed the shorter man's thumb, never letting his smile fade.

"So that's it then, that was what I've needed all these years. I could have stopped this…longing if only I'd thought to just give in and kiss you," Goku's voice was an amused whisper that brought a smirk to Vegeta's face. It was true then, Goku had gone through the same feelings that he had on his own. The feelings of empty longing and desire had dissolved when they'd been close to each other, and when they'd kissed both had felt their hearts grow lighter.

"The Supreme Kai had said that there might be some side effects of the fusion. After all it was supposed to be forever. He didn't expect us to separate…and neither did we. I just didn't think…"

"That we'd end up like this?"

"Well yeah, I mean, it never occurred to me that I would enjoy being in your arms. Nor did I ever think I'd want to kiss you. Until this point it really hadn't occurred to me that it would have been wrong to let you hold me. And really, it's not wrong…" Vegeta breathed softly. Taking this as an invitation Goku brought their mouths together once again in a slow intense kiss. Vegeta released a soft moan of pleasure as the kiss grew deeper and tucked himself as close to Goku as he could get. His fingers slid over Goku's hard muscles, thinking that he didn't mind so much being the one that got to be surrounded by his lover's warmth.

"Come home Vegeta, we both know you and I belong together," Goku's voice was thick with emotion. He desperately wanted Vegeta to agree with him, to help heal both their hearts.

"Like I would go anywhere else," Vegeta replied softly.

(A/N: Aaaand that's it. Hope you liked it. I'm not that good at writing these two together yet but I will get there. Review to give me a hand.)


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